“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” – Pema Chödrön
My biggest heartbreak didn’t come from a boyfriend or significant other, it came from my father rejecting and abandoning me during my childhood, and throughout my adolescence.
His behavior was mentally and emotionally abusive — and for a period of time, I believed I deserved it. I thought there was something I must have done or said to make me unworthy of his love and affection.
For years, I searched for answers and impatiently waited for the day when he’d wake up and realize he’d made a mistake and he did want to be in my life.
But you know what? That day never came.
And eventually, I got tired of waiting. I got tired of crying. I got tired of being angry and resentful. So I decided to try something different — I decided to stop trying to find answers, and instead learn to be okay with the unknown. I knew if I wanted to move forward with my life, I’d have to stop waiting for an apology or explanation, and instead move on with my life without the toxic attachment.
And, my situation isn’t unique or rare because, at one point or another, each of us will go through a life-altering experience that will bring us to our knees and cause us to question the purpose of existence.
During this dark night of the soul, we’ll go through periods of despair and hopelessness, accompanied by uncontrollable tears and breathless sobs.
But eventually, the tears will stop flowing and our breathing will slow, and we’ll realize that we can’t control everything that happens to us, but we can control how we choose to react to the circumstances that come our way.
If you’re at that point in your life, and ready to begin the healing process after personal heartbreak, then here are 5 steps that will help you along the way:
1.) Release Your Emotions
During times of heartbreak, it’s important to allow your feelings to flow freely so they don’t become stuck inside of you.
When you feel like crying — cry.
When you feel like screaming — scream.
When you feel like being angry — be angry.
Allow yourself to process the full range of emotions as they come — this release is crucial to the healing process because it allows your mind, body, and soul to come together and work through what’s happening in your life.
2.) Ask for Guidance
Being that we’re all spiritual beings having a human experience, none of us came into this world alone and none of us go through this world alone (unless we choose to).
Instead, we are surrounded by divine energy which is here to help us along our journey on earth. This pure and loving energy is always around us, and always accessible. To gain access to it we simply need to ask it to assist us.
If you’re not sure where to go from here, or how to continue on after heartbreak, ask the divine energy around you for guidance. There’s no right or wrong way to do this — however you’re comfortable asking (be it in prayer form, silently during meditation or any other way) is perfect.
Here’s the prayer I like to use when I need guidance in my life:
“Dear Divine Energy of the Universe,
Please intervene in my life where necessary, and help guide me to the correct path of my soul’s purpose. Right now I’m feeling a bit lost and misguided, and I’d like your redirection and assistance. Thank you for all that you’ve done for me, and all that you continue to do. I know that you will guide me to my highest purpose, and I place my faith in your hands. I love you.”
Asking for guidance will help you gain clarity regarding your circumstance, and it will also give you the strength to move forward.
3.) Find the Lesson
Every life experience we have comes bearing a lesson. And most of the time, our most difficult experiences are often our greatest teachers.
As you go through this period of heartbreak and pain, ask yourself these two questions:
- What is life trying to teach me through this experience?
- How have I changed from going through this?
By shifting your perspective from one of pain, to one of learning, you’ll be able to extract the lesson life is trying to deliver you. This is a crucial piece of the healing process because it will ensure this lesson doesn’t keep repeating itself in your life and you’re able to move on.
4.) Let Go and Accept What Is
The circumstances that brought about this heartbreak in your life can’t be changed — this is a part of your life’s story, and therefore an integral part of your journey.
When you accept this as true, you’ll be able to release regret, anger, sadness, hatred and any other negative emotions associated with what’s happened in your life. And it’s through letting go that you’ll be able to find personal healing and happiness.
5.) Be Kind to Yourself
Take care of yourself. Get enough sleep. Eat healthily. Fall into the loving arms of your friends and family. Give yourself the time and space needed to heal. Don’t rush the process, and don’t be hard on yourself — when you’re ready to heal, you will heal.
And above all else remember, you are loved more than you can imagine, and this too shall pass.
About Antasha Durbin: Antasha is a spiritual writer, life-long student of the universe, and psychic tarot card reader. Her website, cajspirituality.com, is dedicated to casualizing the spiritual experience and making it attainable for anyone, anywhere, anytime. Follow her for free, easy-to-digest and highly actionable advice on spirituality, mindfulness and empowered living.