It’s been such a long time since I’ve made a post. Years. I don’t even know if anyone reads this blog anymore. And as my subscription renewal comes up in September, it makes me wonder: Do I let it renew again and let another year pass with no new content or updates? Or do I delete the blog all together? Or perhaps, should I start writing again?
I’m torn.
When I first started this blog, I had big dreams for it. I believed, with consistency, it would become a go-to self-help source for all things spirituality. And I believed it would help people along the way, as so many spiritual websites and books have helped me on my journey.
But, somewhere along the way I lost my motivation. And pieces of myself.
In the years that have passed since I published a post on here, my father passed away, I moved across the country, got married, left the corporate world, built an Airbnb, and have spent countless hours contemplating the meaning of life.
- Are we here in this time/space reality in a “school setting” to learn and grow?
- Are we here to experience contrast? If yes, in what ways does this contrast help our souls on their eternal journey?
- Do we choose our experiences (prior to birth)? Or are they random?
- Do we all have a unique purpose, or is it more collective?
- How do our micro actions contribute to the world as a whole?
- How can we be better people — authentically — not as a facade to impress others or pretend to be something we’re not?
These are the questions I’ve been asking myself. And I don’t have clear-cut answers, which is, at times, very unsettling.
What I do know is that as I look back on this blog, with the intention and effort behind it, I often wonder if I gave up too soon. Should I have continued posting among the grief, challenges, and redirections of my life? Or is the pause good — intentional and necessary — to help me sort myself out before trying to inspire or offer advise to others when I myself have been filled with uncertainty? I’m not sure.
As the next chapter unfolds, perhaps I’ll have more clarity. In the meantime, I sit in the uncomfortable middle. Somewhere between here and there.
And I’m okay with that. Because sometimes we plant a seed and it blooms. Other times, the circumstances and timing aren’t right. But, that doesn’t mean we should give up entirely, or stop planting all together. It just means we need to take a closer look at the seeds we’re sowing, and make sure they’re going to contribute to what we ultimately want to harvest.
Isn't it time you started living the life you've always imagined?
