“Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it.”
In my early 20’s, I dated a verbally abusive, addict. When he wasn’t drinking vodka or snorting cocaine he was a brilliant, compassionate, funny, adventurous man. I clung to those moments of sobriety and held out hope that eventually that’d become the norm…except, it never did. More often than not, his nights were filled with black-out benders and he’d become highly unpredictable, cruel and dangerous. I never knew what to expect, and towards the end of our relationship, I worried if I’d be okay.
I never told anyone about what I was going through. I didn’t want to burden others with my problems, or make them feel sorry for me, or be lectured for being with someone I knew was toxic. And, I was afraid to leave. I didn’t feel safe, and I didn’t want to put anyone else in harm’s way.
So I stayed silent. I tried to figure it out on my own. But, eventually, the problems in my relationship grew larger and louder than my silence, and my friends and family started to intervene.
I wasn’t okay. But I spent so much time trying to pretend I was that I dug a hole around myself even greater than it needed to be. By the time I looked closely at my life, I didn’t recognize myself or my environment.
And if you’ve ever pretended to be okay, even though you weren’t, you know exactly what I’m talking about. You end up feeling suffocated by your denial and overwhelmed by how bad things have become.
It’s been nearly a decade since that relationship, and I can look back now with gratitude because I know I learned an important life lesson: It’s okay to not be okay. And it’s okay to admit you’re not okay. Admitting you’re not okay can help you heal.
If you’re in the midst of a battle with yourself and your feelings, and things aren’t going okay in your life, take this as a sign it’s time to step up and admit you’re not okay. Open up to your friends and family. Invite people in. Ask for help. Be honest with yourself and others. Only when you put all of the shattered pieces of your life out can you begin putting them back together.
You don’t have to put on a fake smile.
You don’t have to stop crying.
You don’t have to hide your truth.
You’re allowed to acknowledge when your life isn’t how you want it to be and it’s important you do! You can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge, and you can’t make changes if you don’t admit something is wrong.
By facing your life as it is, and being honest with yourself you’ll be able to work through your emotions so you’re able to release them in a healthy way, rather than keeping them trapped inside of yourself.
Then once you work through your emotions, ask yourself “what are these uncomfortable feelings and experiences trying to teach me about life?”
Whatever your answer is will be the key to unlocking healing in your life. Repeat this process anytime you find yourself not feeling okay with life:
- Admit you’re not okay
- Ask for help
- Work through your emotions honestly
- Ask yourself what life is trying to teach you
Above all remember, nothing you experience is ever in vain — there is always a lesson to be learned from your struggles, and you have the ability to overcome anything placed in your path.
About Antasha Durbin: Antasha is a spiritual writer, life-long student of the universe, and psychic tarot card reader. Her website, cajspirituality.com, is dedicated to casualizing the spiritual experience and making it attainable for anyone, anywhere, anytime. Follow her for free, easy-to-digest and highly actionable advice on spirituality, mindfulness and empowered living.