“Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.” – Barbara Kingsolver
“The state or experience of having or raising a child.”
Motherhood — it’s a term we’re all familiar with because we all have mothers, even if they didn’t raise us or aren’t here now, they were part of our creation and our story, and for that we will be forever grateful.
Mothers are amazing, and so is motherhood. But, motherhood represents far more than just raising or having a child, it also represents the total transformation of “she” who becomes the mother. It’s not always as cheerful as those instagram photo shoots or happy Facebook statuses would have us believe. Motherhood is also tumultuous — it’s an identity crisis of sorts, and it’s a time of transition.
So, if you’re caught in the trenches of motherhood, and on the verge of snapping (again!) at those babies you love so much, or if you’re in the process of becoming a mother (pregnant, adopting, step-moming — whatever the case may be) don’t fret, you aren’t alone!
Here are 7 wise lessons from 7 wise mama’s just like you, with some serious wisdom to share, so don’t despair mama! It’s going to be alright. Here’s what you need to know:
1.) You’re Still You, So Be YOU!
📷:: London Scout
“Don’t lose your identity. Don’t feel guilty about wanting to be YOU. When we become mom’s we’re so caught up in our role that we lose ourselves, our dreams, goals, plans etc. And then we feel GUILTY for thinking about them because our children should be number one. And of course our children are our priority, but we’re more than moms, and we need to remember that and REMIND ourselves of that.” – Donna Davies, Life Coach/Blogger/Mamaextraordinaire
How can you mold your children to love and believe in themselves and their dreams if you don’t lead by example? You can’t — it’s not possible. Stop being the sacrificial lamb of your family and “taking one for the team” while constantly setting aside YOURSELF and YOUR dreams and YOUR goals.
And if this sounds crazy or selfish — let it! Soak it in. You know why? Because YOUR mission and YOUR purpose matter! Don’t allow your desires and dreams to silently linger and slowly suffocate! They represent your freedom, your destiny and YOUR key to personal success so own them!
Lead by example, and show your children that there are no excuses for not going after your dreams, no matter what circumstances may stand in your way.
2.) Everything is a Temporary Phase (Including Temper Tantrums!)
📷: Jordan Whitt
“Everything is a phase (the good and the bad) and just when you think you’ve mastered the new changes or hit your breaking point, you’ll enter a new phase.” – Cara Samantha, Singer/Songwriter/Mamaextraordinaire
Life is full of ebbs and flows, and this is especially apparent in parenting. Children are constantly morphing from one phase to the next, and when you’re having those hard parenting days remember, tough times are temporary and WILL pass!
Keep your head up, and keep being the incredible mama you already are! And give yourself a break once in a while, you’ve more than earned it!
3.) Let Go of “Mom-Guilt”
📷: Jenna Norman
“I went back to work two weeks after my son was born. And I started graduate school when he was just five weeks old. I used to pump in the bathroom at work and school to make sure I could provide him with breastmilk, even if it wasn’t fresh from my breast. I felt terrible being away from him, and often questioned if I was making the right decision by continuing my education. But, ultimately I knew that in order to give both of us the life we deserve and want, those were necessary (and temporary) sacrifices.” – Antasha Durbin, Founder of CAJ Spirituality/Writer/Mamaextraordinaire
Being a mom is a balancing act, because in addition your role as a mama, you’re also a woman, a friend, a daughter, a spiritual being and a (insert role here).
You have many roles, and motherhood is one of those roles but, it’s not the only one! So it’s okay for you to work. It’s okay for your to spend time on yourself. It’s okay for your to follow your dreams. It’s okay for you to have a date night with your significant other. And it’s okay to be away from your children.
Release yourself from the guilt that comes from you needing to balance other roles, because that guilt does not serve you — it just makes you feel bad, and when you feel bad you’re in a negative state of mind which is bad for your wellbeing and your family’s wellbeing.
Do yourself and your kids a favor, and let go of your mom-guilt — you’ll feel so much better when you do!
4.) Relax, You Were Born to Do This
📷: Annie Splat
“Trust yourself! You were chosen to be a mother to your child and entrusted to love and care for your baby. You’re capable! Don’t dwell on the highlight (social media) reel of others and their lives — just rest in the promise of YOUR highlight reel, which is right in front of your eyes. You are enough. Trust yourself, you’ve got this!” – Mady Bates, Entrepreneur/Mamaextraordinaire
Let go of the fear. Let go of the doubt. There is no one on earth that was meant to be this child’s mother except for you, and that’s an important statement so I’m going to repeat it: There is no one on earth that was meant to be this child’s mother except for you! (And as a disclaimer, this applies to ALL mama’s not just biological ones).
Your child was sent into your life for very specific reasons because you are the one that is going guide this child to where it needs to go. Trust that. Don’t worry about what others are doing, just keep on doing what feels right for you and your family.
5.) Stop and Smell the Sh*t, I mean the Roses.
“Be present to your child’s needs and yours. Be present enough to observe when your child really needs you on the emotional level. At the end of the day, I know I’m not raising my son — he is raising himself in my presence. I just need to be present and mindful, and give him the love and attention he needs to thrive (and survive!).” – Yara Grant, Holistic Life Coach/Entrepreneur/Mamaextraordinaire
It’s so easy to get caught up in our day-to-day lives and endless list of mom-chores that we forget to sit back, relax and ENJOY our little ones!
I don’t know any woman who had a child just to cut crust off of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches all day, wipe butts and constantly try to tame the tornado that is her house. Instead, we have children to expand, to give and receive unconditional love and because we want to be with them, teach them and learn from them.
There is no greater mission in this world than helping to guide another soul through this physical experience, so set aside time every single day to be present and enjoy time with your kids. This might mean eating meals together without electronics present and/or turned on, this might mean learning a new language together, or maybe this means going to the park and actually playing with your children. Whatever works for you and your family — do that, and do it consistently!
6.) Create a Support System Stronger Than An Epidural
“Motherhood can be the scariest, loneliest place in the world. That’s why it’s important to have a mama tribe to help you through the tough days. We need to get into the habit of empowering each other because it truly takes a village.” – Mayra Beltran, Coach/Blogger/Mamaextraordinaire
You know that old phrase, “it takes a village to raise a child?” Well, I’m not so sure why it’s considered “old” because it’s true! Yes, you can do it on your own (I see you mama, and I’ve been in your shoes), but it’s SO much easier with a good support system.
Your support system doesn’t have to literally be your entire village/community/town, it can just be a small group of friends and/or family members who are solid and have your back. Your support system should be strong, and when you need to lean on it, not fall over — doing everything solo is perfectly fine, but let’s be honest, it’s a lot of work and a lot of pressure, and if you don’t have to do it solo, why would you?
If you don’t have any family/friends close to where you are, that’s okay too! There are TONS of supportive, loving and awesome online mama groups (for kids of all ages) that are free to join and offer great resources such as Q&A’s, suggestions and emotional support. So go online and join a community of other mamas!
7.) Make Your Own Rules, Mama
📷: Ketan Rajput
“Let go of everything you think you know, and play each day with a new set of rules that YOU create. Brush your teeth at 2pm. Eat cereal at 4pm. Skip the socks before putting on the shoes. Whatever you need to do, do that.” – Shawna Beckmann, Sales Coach/Podcast Host/Mamaextraordinaire
There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to mom-ing. You’re a unique person, and so is each child. What works for one mom and child might not work for another, and that’s okay. Life is about trials, errors and lessons learned.
Mold a parenting style to your life, don’t try to force on a shoe that doesn’t fit. Remember, this is YOUR family and ultimately you know what’s best for them.
About Antasha Durbin: Antasha is a spiritual writer, life-long student of the universe, and psychic tarot card reader. Her website, cajspirituality.com, is dedicated to casualizing the spiritual experience and making it attainable for anyone, anywhere, anytime. Follow her for free, easy-to-digest and highly actionable advice on spirituality, mindfulness and empowered living.